1. A metal fastening, usually one of a pair, for encircling and confining the ankle or wrist of a prisoner or captive; a fetter or manacle.
2. A restraint or check to action or progress.
This defines how I feel. I am a prisoner to my own hopelessness and I need to break free from the chains. It's no coincidence that as I was driving to Panera to spend sometime by myself and to blog (thanks honey for watching the girls) that the song "Shackles" (Praise You) by Mary Mary came on the radio. The tears came flooding down my cheeks and I couldn't help but raise my hands in worship. Now, if you've heard this song you know it's not a weepy song, but a get off your toosh kinda song and get to dancin'. That's usually how I feel when I hear this song, but not tonight. Somehow I connected to that song from the deepest part of my being. In case you've never heard Shackles before, I wanted to post some of the lyrics. The second verse is what hit home with me tonight. You can watch the video by Mary Mary here.
Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonna lose my mind
But I know you wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need you to lift this load
Cause I can't take it anymore
Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise you
I just wanna praise you
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands
And I'm gonna praise you
I'm gonna praise you
Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now
I think I say on a daily basis to God, "I just can't take it anymore." Something has to change. I'm gonna be transparent here and say that I am tired of feeling depressed, anxious and downright awful. Now I know there are things that have happened to me/us in the last year (losing my father-in-law, my son, my grandma and my health declining) that would warrant all of these feelings, but the truth is I no longer want to stay "there". God doesn't want me staying there either. He wants me living the life that He intended me to live. I'm reminded of a verse that sits by my kitchen sink (Thanks Jen Pen) that says, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:13-14
My hope is that I will soon see the goodness He has in store for me. Stay tuned tomorrow for Part 2 -The list of things that have become my shackles.