We Remember

Today I remember my daughter and my son, both are in the arms of Jesus. I would like to share with you their stories.

Early summer of 2004, during a routine ultrasound, I learned the amazing news I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. After 3 years of infertility,
and a failed IVF, I was pregnant with our miracle baby. The doctors told us we had no hope of conceiving on our own, but God had other plans.
My husband and I were thrilled, and like any soon to be parents, started talking about names and all the things we couldn't wait to do. My pregnancy
progressed with ease and at 21 weeks, we couldn't wait to hear if we were having a boy or a girl. At 1:30, on October 6, 2004 our world came crashing down.

I knew something was terribly wrong when our ultrasound tech said, "I'm seeing something I don't like. I am going to go get your doctor". She left the room and
all I could say was, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". My doctor came in and said, "Krista, I am so sorry there is no heartbeat." I went into shock. I couldn't cry. It was
the strangest feeling. She told us I would have to deliver.

I was admitted to the hospital the next day and on October 8, 2005 at 5:30 am our daughter was born still. My doctor knew immediately what had caused her death.
The cord was wrapped around her neck twice. It was so tight that my doctor had to cut it off. We were crushed.

We hadn't decided on a name at that point and I remember a nurse coming in to ask us if we wanted to see a baby name book. I told her we would. I found the name
Zoe which I thought was perfect for her. It meant "life". We decided on her middle name to be Renae which means "reborn". She was "life reborn." So fitting for her.
She was reborn into the arms of Jesus where she would have eternal life. Brian and I got to hold her and our families got to see her and say goodbye. It was the hardest day of my life. Little did I know, that
more pain would be in store for us, just 6 years later.

Brian and I had always dreamed about having a big family. We both come from families with 4 children. I have 3 sisters and Brian has 2 brothers and a sister. By the time Sydney was
2 we started trying again. I suffered 2 very early miscarriages in June of 2008 and January of 2009. In May of this year we learned we were pregnant again. We had been praying for a boy and
I just knew when I found out I was pregnant, that it was a boy. By the time I got past the first trimester, I was feeling pretty positive. I had to believe that I would have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

One night when I was using my dopplar, which I would do on occasion, I had a hard time finding the baby's heartbeat. Normally this would take me a minute or two to find, but I searched for what seemed
like an hour and couldn't find it. I started to panic. I knew in my heart something was wrong. The next morning I called my OB and told him what was going on and he said to come in for an ultrasound.
I couldn't look at the screen. I was terrified. Then he said he saw the heartbeat. I was relieved, until he said, but something is not right. There is an arythmia. He sent me immediately to my high risk OB
for him to look at. Once again, fear and shock set in. I couldn't believe this was happening. Why us again?

When we got to the high risk OB, I was given an ultrasound. I knew right away. The tech said, "I'll be right back". Flashbacks of what happened with Zoe flooded my mind. I began to sing, "Father I adore you and
I lay my life before you, how I love you." Brian sang with me. We just kept singing until the doctor came in. I looked at him and said, "We know". That was it. I know he was incredibly sad for us. It was written all
over his face. Once again I couldn't cry. I was numb. Again, Lord? Why?

I was admitted to the hospital the next day and on August 12, 2010, my son was born. He was precious and perfect. He looked like his daddy and his PeePaw, (Brian's dad who he lost this past January). My doctor
suspected a blood clot in the placenta which, after testing, turned out to be correct. We had our son. We named him Jonathan Andrew. Jonathan means "Gift of God" and Andrew means "warrior". We named him after Jonathan in the Bible and Andrew is a family name on my husband's side. It was perfect.

My story that has been filled with unbelievable heartache, but I choose to trust and believe in a God that knows how the story ultimately ends. I have the amazing priviledge to be a mom of 4 children. 2 in heaven and 2 on earth. I wouldn't trade that for the world.

I would love to read your stories. Use the linky if you have a blog and if you don't have a blog, please share your story in the comments section. I would love to pray for you today and read your children's names outloud tonight when I light a candle for my daughter and son.

6 comments:

mel @ the larson lingo said...

Thank you for posting this link up Krista. Praying for you today as you remember Zoe and Jonathan.

Maria said...

My daughter lost her first child, a little girl, in March 2008, also due to a blood clot in her placenta. My heart grieves for you and I know exactly how you feel. I will be reading Zoe's and Jonathan's names out loud tonight as well, along with my granddaughter's Sophia. Hugs!!

Maria Paris

Jennifer Penner said...

I have been blessed with 6 children, three of whom God has so graciously allowed my husband and I to enjoy, raise and love. Our other three sweet babies are in the arms of Jesus and we look forward to seeing them someday.
Our journey as parents began in 1999 with the pregnancy and birth of Jake, our first son. Not long after our son Nate was born in Sept. of 2000. We felt someone was still missing from the family and had no idea that the road was about to get very hard. Over the next couple of years I had two miscarriages and was finally pregnant with our third son Max. We were so excited! My sister in law also found out that she was pregnant and we were due just about a week apart.
On October 23, 2003 (34 weeks pregnant) I became concerned that my normally active little guy was not moving. When I went in to the hospital no heart beat could be found. I found myself in a surreal situation that I never dreamed would ever happen to me. In fact, when hearing about a friends family member loosing a pregnancy quite a few months prior, I remarked "I could never go through something like that" I was right in a way. I alone could not have gone through such a nightmare, but God enabled my husband and I to weather this storm without it destroying us. Although it was (and still is) painful, He was, and is faithful to guide and give strength, comfort and peace.
Our sweet son Maxwell Aaron was born on October 24 2003. We, with grandparents and aunts and uncles, got to see Max who was 5 lbs 12oz and perfect. He looked just like his brothers. We love you and miss you little man!
In February 2005, the Lord blessed us with our Ben-man. One of my fondest memories of Ben's birth was the whole family singing the doxology "Praise God from whom all blessings flow" in the delivery room after he was born. We are thankful for our precious boys.....they are a gift.

Lamentations 3:21-26
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope,
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning,
GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS.

Midwest Mommy said...

Keeping all your angels in my prayers.

Nutty Mom said...

When we first got married we started trying for a family right away. Our first pregnancy ended at 12 weeks, Addisson. We were then told that we'd never have children of our own. 3 years later, Peanut was our miracle surprise! 6 months after she was born God blessed us with another pregnancy. The sonogram showed it was twins. Only Donut survived, her sister Evelyn joined Addisson in heaven.

I can't wait for the day that I get to meet my babies!

christina-defining moments said...

It has been two years today that I found out my son died at 17 weeks pregnant. I delievered him Oct 16. He was perfect just not living. I miss my son every day.

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