Happy Birthday Zoe

Six years ago my life changed forever. I became a mom. It didn't happened as I had planned. At 5:30 a.m. on October 8, 2004, I delivered my baby girl into the arms of Jesus.

I will never forget that day as long as I live. I will never forget holding her and wishing it wouldn't have turned out this way. This was our miracle baby that we had prayed for for over 3 years. It was the baby that dr's said we would never be able to conceive on our own, but we did. Why did this have to happen to us? It just didn't make sense.

What I couldn't see through my intense pain, was that God had another plan. Two months later we would conceive another baby, Zoe's sister, Brooklyn. Something that would not have happened if I was still pregnant with Zoe. That's kind of a hard concept to wrap my brain around some days, but it's one that brings me comfort. Her death made way for Brooklyn's life. Wow!

So today I remember you Zoe, my first born daughter. Oh how I miss you everyday sweetheart. How I wish I could see you playing with your sisters. You would have loved playing with them. They are awesome. I wish I could've seen you grow up. You would have been in Kindergarten this year. Maybe you would have started soccer and loved it as much as your mommy did? All the what ifs are hard for me, but I wouldn't change it because I know you are in paradise. A place that is far more beautiful than anything you could have experienced here on earth. I am so glad you have your baby brother there to play with. That puts a smile on my face. One day I will be with you again my precious daughter, but until that day, know how much I love you and I miss you terribly.

Tonight we will sing Happy Birthday to you and release 6 pink balloons in the air. Will you be able to see them? I hope so. I know your sissies can't wait to blow out your candles. Happy 6th birthday Zoe. Thank you for making me a mommy. I love you.