Today we met with our high risk OB. We were going to get the report of what happened to our son. We didn't learn anything we didn't already know, but it was nice to talk with him. We officially learned that our son Jonathan was completely normal and healthy. He died because I had a blood clot in my placenta, just what Dr. T had suspected. To be honest, it would've been easier to accept if there had been something wrong with him, but to know that he was active and healthy and then just one day his heart stopped beating is just so painful.
A mother's instinct is to keep her child safe. I know it is not my fault and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it, but I couldn't protect him. I couldn't keep him safe. I couldn't keep Zoe safe. It's unreal to think I have lost 2 babies due to freak accidents in the womb. I look at my two sweet girls and just stand in awe of them. They are miracles!
We discussed what we would do the next time I got pregnant. Daily injections of Heparin would be the course of action, along with the baby aspirin and extra folic acid. It's nice to have a game plan, but to be honest, I can't really think about that right now. Of course we desire another baby, but for now my focus is on the girls and recovering physically and emotionally. The Lord will lead and guide us in His time.
On a positive note, it was beautiful in Middle Tennessee today. Oh my goodness. It was a cool 68 degrees. I had the windows open all day and enjoyed the cool air blowing in. I even made the girls hot cocoa with marshmellows. They loved it. This afternoon we played outside, or should I say they played while I pulled weeds and trimmed the hedges. Fun times I know, but I had to do something before the homeowners association wrote us a citation. It looks so much better. I still need to powerwash and put out the fall decorations, but for now I'm a happy camper. I will sleep well tonight for sure.
I would love to ask your opinion on something. Should I paint our front door red or leave it black? I can't decide. Brian and I have always wanted a red door, but I'm not sure how it would go with the brick. I would love to hear your thoughts. If you'd like, please leave me a comment and cast your vote to help me decide. Thanks.