So Much Sadness

Brian took the girls to the gym so I could be alone and just think. I got home this afternoon from an appointment and my mom was watching the girls. When I saw her I knew something was wrong. She said, "Grandma is dying". She has been in the hospital for a few weeks now, but the last report I got this morning was that she was doing better. Now it doesn't look like it will be too much longer.

My dad is flying standby tomorrow morning from Nashville. Right now the flight is overbooked and we're praying that he can get on and get out to Los Angeles tomorrow afternoon. My grandma has congestive heart failure. If you don't know what that is it sounds like it's a heart problem, but it's really not. Her heart is fine. It's her lungs that are filled up with fluid which makes it hard for her to breathe. In the past, she's been in the hospital for a day or so and they can fix it and then she goes back home. This time it was a different story. The doctors can't seem to get the fluid to leave her lungs. This has now caused her kidneys to shut down.

My grandma is an amazing woman. She is 91 years old. She doesn't realize how bad of shape she is in. My uncle is going to tell her tonight. Oh sweet Jesus please be her comfort. Please help her to be excited about seeing you and my grandpa. I can't bear the thought of her in pain or crying. Please be with my uncle as he tells her. Thank you for allowing me to see her in August and spend some time with her. I love you so much grandma.

If you would like to pray for my family, I would love that. Here are some specific prayer requests:

1. That my dad can get a flight out tomorrow morning and be there to see her before she goes home to glory. My dad hates to fly. I don't even think hate is a strong enough word. He was going to drive 36 hours in a car to go to California that's how much he hates it. However, there is not enough time so he has no choice to fly. Please pray for great weather and no turbulence.

2. For my grandma to be at peace and in no pain. For her kids (she has 6) to all get there in time to be with her.

3. For the rest of us here left behind and for my cousins as well. My sister Rachelle would like to fly out on Saturday after my other sister's baby shower. Please pray that she can make it out there in time.

I wish I could end this post with something profound to say, but I am afraid I am at a loss for words. I just don't know how much more sadness I can take this year. I'm just gonna put that out there and be real and honest. This has been the most painful year of my entire life. I've decided not to tell the girls about it because it's just too much death in one year. They don't really now my grandma because she lives so far away so I think it's best not to say anything. They lost their PeePaw this year, Brian's dad, and then their brother. Enough is enough I say. I am spent. I have no more tears to cry. I know the Lord has a plan in all of this and that has to be enough for me. On behalf of my grandma and my family, thank you for your prayers.