It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To

Today is my 39th birthday.  There I said it.  I feel much better now.  Holy cow.  Where did the time go?  It seems like yesterday I was turning 29 and freaking out I was on the verge of 30.  This time around on the verge of 40, I am actually ok with 39.  Really I am.  Ok maybe I am talking my self into being ok with it right now, but what choice do I have, right?

I spent most of the day cleaning house and doing laundry.  Thrilling I know, but it had to be done.  We are leaving tomorrow right after the girls get out of school to go to Indiana, so I had no choice but to do it all today.  Thankfully, the girls and I took a nap around 2:00 and slept for 2 hours.  Love those days when I can snuggle with my girls in a dark cozy room.

Brian and the girls took me to a restaurant called Omikoshi's for dinner.  It was so yummy.  The girls love to watch the food being made in front of them.  Brooklyn was scared of the fire at first, but quickly got over it and started taking pictures of the flames. 

Brian made my day when he brought home
39 flowers for me.  The roses are from him and the carnations are from the girls.  My house looks like a flower shop and I love it.  Brooklyn gave me a shirt that says, "Happy Birthday to Me" that my friend Sonya made.  Thanks girl.  Sydney gave me two little stuffed bunny's that weren't really for me. :) ha.  Well, they were for me, but were quickly claimed by the girls.  They've been playing with them all day. 

Brian's gift to me is this clock.  To say I love it would be an understatement.  He found it at a local antique mall in town.  I might have given him a hint that I wanted it.  Can't wait to get that baby up on the wall.  Thanks honey.

I am thankful for another year of life.  I will have to say that today has been tough.  As much as I enjoyed being with my hubby and sweet girls, I was missing my son.  My heart aches for him.  He would have been 3 months old and I so wish he were to help me celebrate this day.  I know my heart will heal in time, but it's just so hard.  There are still times it all feels like a bad dream.  I still can't believe it happened to us again. So I have spent some of today alone crying.  Crying out to the Lord to redeem my pain.  I know He will and I cling to that very promise.  It's what sees me through. 


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