Thank you Lord for our journey through infertility

This week is Infertility Awareness Week. As I think about our journey over the last 7 years I am humbled and amazed at what God has done. As I listen to daddy struggling to put Brooklyn to bed upstairs and her fighting it every step of the way, I am thankful even in the hard times because I know it was all worth it. My girls were worth all the pain, even the pain of losing our precious Zoe. I tell people all the time that my scars of infertility are just that, scars. They will always be with me. They might fade over time like scars often do, but they will never go away. Why did God choose me, choose us, to walk this path? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am a much better person, a better mom I believe because of it. My relationship with the Lord has grown in ways I would have never known had I not gone through infertility. My relationship with my husband is stronger today because of it. I would have never picked this journey to go on, but I am glad He chose me. Thank you Lord for seeing us through and continuing to walk us through this journey you have for us. Thank you for blessing me with Zoe, Brooklyn and Sydney. I am proud and honored to be called "mommy". This video is amazing. I feel like it was written just for me.

A Day With NO......

TV. You must be thinking, did the poor girl lose power? Thankfully it did not go out seeing how it was so hot today. That might have made this experience just a little bit harder. I didn't plan on not watching t.v. it just sort of happened. It was around 9:30 a.m. and I realized I hadn't turned on the t.v. yet which is a phenomenon in itself because I usually turn it on as soon as I get up. So I thought, why not try to keep it off all day. Could I do it? You see I am one that has the t.v. on way too much. Even if I am not watching it I like to have it on for noise. I know that's crazy. I get enough noise with 2 toddlers in the house, but for some reason I like to have it on. I've been feeling convicted that the girls watch too much t.v. Most of the shows they watch are educational, so I passed it off as learning. After today I have changed my tune. It was great having the t.v. off. So I know what your thinking. What did you do all day? Well here is how my day went. Ate breakfast, played for 2 hours, went to Publix to get groceries, came home and ate lunch, girls took 2 hour naps, went to the gym, came home and the girls played in their new water table while I made dinner, ate dinner, girls played upstairs with the blocks while daddy mowed the lawn, read books and in bed by 8 p.m.

It was a great day without the t.v. I loved not having that extra noise. I can't believe I am saying that. During our morning playtime the girls and I went into Sydney Kate's closet with the lights off (she has a huge closet the size of a bathroom) and played with all of their toys that light up. They loved it. I couldn't believe we did that for an hour. Brooklyn didn't ask for t.v. until tonight before bed, which we cut out tv from dinner on like 3 weeks ago so I'm not sure why she asked then. Syd asked 3 times today and I just said no we're not watching it today and she was fine. We even cut out watching the t.v. in the SUV. Instead I put a cd of their kids Bible music on. They loved singing all the way to the gym. I decided tonight that Monday's from now on will be t.v. free. I encourage you to give it a try. See what fun and creative things you can think of doing. I am going to continue to cut back on t.v. daily and see what happens. Who knows, maybe one day we'll decide to get rid of them altogether. Although not sure how that would fly with Brian during football, basketball and baseball season. I think I would miss my HGTV too much as well.

What was I thinking?

Ok so today was the big Music City Marathon in downtown Nashville. Brian left early this morning, before 5am, to go to the race which started at 7am. The girls woke up early around 6:45 and I thought to myself, what a great surprise to be waiting at the finish line with the girls when he crossed. It was a last minute decision, but one that would be well worth the hassle. I knew it would be a difficult task forging our way through the crowd of at least 25,000. I was excited. There was no way Brian would ever believe I would have attempted this by myself. I decided to get Brooklyn and Sydney Kate dressed up in their new $5 Target matching sundresses I bought them yesterday. They looked adorable as you can see. So off we went. Wagon in the car, check. Sippy cups, check. Snacks, check. Kids buckeled in, check. Camera bag & Flip video, check. I was set. Now to find them their sprinkled donuts I promised them on the way. Krispy Kreme in Cool Springs was closed for remodeling, so on to Dunkin Donuts. There was a line wrapped around the block so that wouldn't work because I knew I didn't have time to wait. So off we went onto the interstate. I get downtown and streets are blocked off. Great I have no idea where I am going. I ask a cop, who was directing traffic, how to get there. He tells me so I proceed. I knew we might be in the car for sometime longer so I stopped at a mini mart to get them a donut. I park right in front, turn off the car and run inside. 7 people in line. Crap. I can't wait that long. I did what any mom would have done in this case. Grabbed two chocolate sprinkled donuts and gave the man in front of me cash to cover it and asked him if he would tell the clerk I took 2 donuts. He was very nice and said no problem. Back to the car, give the girls their donuts and off we go. I follow the cops instructions and now I am lost. How did I miss Shelby Ave off I-24?Somehow I did and I find myself at another Krispy Kreme off Nolensville Road. Brooklyn informs me at this time that she has to go potty. So we stop and she goes and we proceed to get back in the car. Well Sydney is not a happy camper. She goes balistic and starts screaming. It takes me a few minutes to get her buckled in her seat and off we go again. I will add that Sydney screams for the next 1/2 hour. I finally reach downtown, but the way I know how to get to the stadium is blocked off. So I ask yet another cop and he tells me how to go. That way has now become blocked off as well. Keep in mind it's the next stoplight. I ask that cop how to go. He tells me and I proceed. Well his directions are wrong and I end up in a part of Nashville I don't want to be. Scary. Syd is still screaming and I cannot stop anywhere for fear of my life. Ok it's the middle of the day and I am probably overreacting somewhat, but I wanted to play it safe. I finally find 2nd avenue and I continue until I see a bunch of runners. Hallelujah I can see our end in sight.

I finally find a place to park, load the girls in the wagon with enough goldfish and suckers to keep them happy for a good while. At one point I looked back into the wagon and saw that Sydney had 6 suckers in her hand. Good grief. She was content so I didn't mind. It is a task to pull a wagon through thousands of people on one tiny sidewalk. We go to the family meeting "L" (goes by your last name) but no Brian. Then I think well lets go to the end of the finish line. That would be nice if I can wade through the crowd to get there. I get close and decide to pull up in the shade I could find and stop to rest. How in the world am I gonna find him? I texted him earlier to let him know I was there, but I knew he probably left his phone in the car. I call Eddy and he said that Brian was a few miles ahead of him. In my heart I knew he had finished and we had missed him. Then I get a call from Brian. He's in the car. I lost it and just sobbed. It had been such a long morning and I can't believe everything we had been through to see him and now I know there is no way he can come back. So I continue to cry and pull the wagon back to the car. By this time the girls are fighting in the wagon and Sydney is opening the wagon door and hitting people as I try to pull it by. I take her out and I am carrying her in my left arm and trying to pull the wagon at the same time. Did I mention it's 80 degrees? I get them in the car, attempt to drive away, but traffic is crazy. I have another meltdown and said some "choice words" that I am not proud of, but in the moment seemed ok to say. I finally get home and on the counter I see this...

I broke down again. What a sweet husband I have. I know he was tired, sweaty and feeling bad for me, but he stopped by Gigi's on the way home and got me and the girls cupcakes. (Note... they had eaten theirs already when I took the picture, but they had pink cupcakes. Too cute). Then I started to eat my lunch when I happened to turn my head for some reason and look at the refrigerator. The sunlight hit it at just the right angle that I see this... Several dings on the door. What the heck! Those were new and one of my children were to blame. Not sure which one, but I am gonna take a guess at Syd. She likes to beat stuff against walls and she probably thought to herself, why not try the refrigerator door. I lost it again. I had had enough. I crawled in my bed and started this blog. I'm physically and emotionally drained. It had been a long week anyway and this was the icing on the cake. Then it dawned on me that I never even asked Brian how he did. So I went downstairs to finish my lunch and ask him how it went. He finished the 1/2 marathon in 2 hours 10 min. I think that's pretty darn good considering the heat that we are having today. I know that probably slowed down 95% of the runners.

Thankfully I can end this rather long drawn out blog on a happy note. I just saved $350 on our tickets to California on Southwest. So happens that today only from Nashville to Cali they have slashed prices by 50%. I think the Lord knew that I needed that today. Thank you Lord for showing me your Grace.

Random pictures from Daddy's iPhone

I downloaded some pictures from Brian's iPhone on to my computer. I love some of the shots he took. I am still trying to convince him that I need an iPhone so that I can take good quality pictures of the girls on the fly for posterity sake. I don't think it's worked so far since our anniversary and my birthday have come and gone and still no iPhone. I guess there is always Mother's Day, right honey? I love you.

Waiting for Birds

Today we put up our birdhouse on the deck and filled it with a bunch of seeds that are supposed to attract all the pretty birds. I sat it on the deck and told the girls to go inside so the birds would come. They were so excited. They sat by the window and watched and watched and watched. Nothing. No birds. Brooklyn said, "Mommy where are the birds"? I said, "You have to give them time to realize the bird food is there honey". She just looked so sad. I felt bad that they weren't coming. Normally we will have a few each day that will come and sit on the railing of the deck when there is no food. Go figure we put food out and no birds come to visit. Hopefully tomorrow they will come. I guess we'll see.

I had a great time sitting in at Brooklyn's school today in her class. It was teacher appreciation day and the teachers got to go have a really nice lunch outside. It was fun to see how Brooklyn behaved and interacted with the other kids. Of course she didn't want to leave my side the whole time which didn't surprise me one bit. We played with playdough and then we sat with them while they ate. She ate her whole sandwhich. Now if I can only get her to eat her lunch when I am not there that would be great. I have a whole new appreciation for teachers and I was only in her class a little over an hour. I was not born to be a teacher that's for sure. Mom and dad you are my hero's. Especially my dad who taught in the Los Angeles area for more than 30 years. Don't know how you did it but thank you. Like Oprah says, "Teachers should be the highest paid people in the world"and I agree with her 100%. So all you teachers out there, A BIG THANK YOU!

One of those days.....

Have you ever had one of those days you feel overwhelmed being a mom? Today was one of those days. I sit here completely exhausted with Sydney Kate next to me watching "Oso" a new Disney show, and Brooklyn running around the house naked, well almost naked. She has socks on. The child doesn't like clothes. I hope that runs its course by the time she's a teenager. Daddy just left to get a haircut and I don't have the energy to go upstairs and take on the challenge of bath time. So it will have to wait until he gets home. It's been one of those days where the girls just kept getting on each others nerves and subsequently getting on mine. Here are the events that took place today. Nap time was short, Sydney gave Brooklyn a fat lip when she hit her with her sippy cup, Sydney Kate peed through her diaper at Target causing me to go all the way home to get new pants. Note to self: Keep a change of clothes in the car for the next time there is an accident. I lost it with Brooklyn today when she just kept mouthing off to me. I said, "Brooklyn shut your mouth". Not something I am proud of yelling to my 3 year old, but at the time I just wanted quiet. To which she replied, "Mommy I don't want to keep my mouth closed". It cracked me up. Although I made sure she didn't see me laugh. Then to top things off tonight she came home with a caterpillar from the playground, which is fine, until she took him on the deck and decided that he needed a bath in the big bubble container. Needless to say that was the end of that. She said, "Mommy he's not moving". I said, "Thats because you killed him honey". "He can't play in bubbles." We had a discussion about dying and she said "He can't come back mommy". I knew she understood and I think she was a little sad. Then I remembered that today is Earth Day. What a day to kill a one of God's creatures. R.I.P. Mr. Caterpillar.

Tomorrow will be another day. One hopefully a little better than today, but even if it's not I am a blessed girl. I am blessed that the Lord loves me despite my faults as a mom, a wife, and a human being. I am blessed that my girls love me no matter what and I am blessed that my husband sticks around and puts up with my crazy moods. Most importantly I am thankful for God's gift of forgiveness. His mercies are new every morning. That I know.

Surprise Party at Last

My wonderful hubby surprised me with a dinner at P.F. Chang's last night with some of our friends. I couldn't believe it. I don't think I've ever really had a surprise party before. I thought we were going to dinner to celebrate our anniversary which was April 7th, but instead surprised me with a celebration for my birthday which is on Monday, the 20th. We had a wonderful time. After dinner we hung out with our friends at Nucci's for Gelato. Yummo! Oh I have to say how he let me "choose" the restaurant, or so I thought. He had a box with 3 sets of colored envelopes in them. One for dinner, one for dessert, and one for a surprise later. Later I found out all 3 dinner envelopes had P.F. Chang's in them. The next set of envelopes said dessert at aLoft, which is a new local hotel that is tre' chic. I was so excited. Then he said, actually we have a room here. We're going to spend the night. "WHAT"? I was thrilled. I really wanted to see the hotel, but was even more excited that I was going to have a good night sleep with no interruptions from little humans and that we could sleep in. The best gift ever. We ended up renting a movie in the room, "Slumdog Millionaire". Which was really good. This morning we woke up and had breakfast at Cracker Barrel before getting the girls from my parents house. A wonderful evening thanks to my awesome husband. I love you baby! You are the best.

I want to make sure I post about the girls everyday and the funny things they do. There is usually something everyday that makes me laugh. We went to the playground in our neighborhood and there were a ton of caterpillars. Brooklyn loved them. She let one of them crawl all over her. She wanted to take it home which I thought was fine. We got home and she showed her friend Grace the caterpillar which she name Sag, I think. Random I know. Then we told her it was time to let him go in the yard. She was ok with that thankfully. No meltdown. Tonight when I put her to sleep she said, "Mommy I want to go get my caterpillar"? I said, "No honey he needs to sleep outside. Bugs belong outside because if they come inside they will die." That was that. No more questions about her new friend. I'm sure she will look in the front yard before church in the morning to see if she can find her new friend.

Sydney continues to be Sydney. Sometimes I swear she is my son. After we named her Sydney Kate, it dawned on us in the hospital that she had the first and middle names of our 2 favorite characters on t.v. Sydney Bristow from Alias and Kate from Lost. Sydney has some pretty tough characteristics like our favorite characters. She is very athletic and loves the challenge. Brian took her to Toys R Us the other day and she tried to pull out a 25 ft. floor to ceiling support beam out of the ground. She can also pick up a 10 pound medicine ball with ease. She's also super fast I must add. The other day at the park she literally took off and ran about 100 yards down the sidewalk before I could catch her. I had a woman in heels try to catch her and she said, "I'm sorry ma'am I have heels on and I just can't get her. I had to sprint to catch her. I told Brian if she's not a track star I will be surprised. My girls are the best and I am so blessed to be their mommy.

Addicted to Reading Blogs

Ok so I thought Facebook was addicting, but it seems like I've become even more addicted to reading blogs. Most of the blogs I read have to do with babies. Especially babies who are sick. Motherhood has softened me quite a bit and it's also connected me with other mothers in a way I never would have imagined. Even women who I've never met. The fascinating thing about most of the blogs I read is that these women have a passion for the Lord. Some have lost children, others are watching their children cling to life, yet they remain so faithful to the Lord through it all. I guess I can relate somehow having lost a child myself. You face inexplicable pain, yet there is a sense of peace that comes over you. I hate that my daughter is not here to play with her sisters, but yet I have hope that one day I will see her again. So I feel like I have a connection with these women in some way. Some of my favorite blogs are mycharmingkids.net, audreycaroline.blogspot.com and kellyskornerblog.com. I have prayed for these moms and their babies. I can't tell you how many times I have read their blogs and wept over them. You see we really are all connected. We're moms. Moms that love their children and would die for them. I am so blessed to have my girls. I count it a privilege that God chose me to be their mom.

So here is my go at a blog. I might not be as eloquent of a writer as some of the moms are, but since I don't journal I felt like this was a way I could record what is going on with our family and what the Lord girls were up to. So if you are checking in for the first time. Welcome!