Ode to my husband

I am blessed!  Even when life is tough, I try to remember the blessings in my life.  One of those blessing is my husband, Brian.  Almost 12 years ago when we said, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health," we never could have imagined how much we would be tested.  This amazing man has stood by me over the last 8 years as we have suffered loss, not once, but twice and has watched me suffer debilitating dizziness every day.  So, if you don't mind, I'd like to share with you a little bit about this man I call my husband.

He has an amazing heart for those less fortunate.  He loves to serve the orphans and the widows.  This is one of my favorite pictures that was taken while he was in Haiti just a few short weeks ago.  He hadn't been to Haiti since the summer of 2010.

 

He is an amazing dad to our daughters.  I love to just sit back and watch the way he gently instructs the girls and how he makes them think for themselves.  I love to listen to him read to the girls at night.  He has passed on his love of C.S. Lewis and the girls enjoy hearing him read the Chronicles of Narnia. I love how he takes them to dances and on dates.  It's so important that my girls know how a man should treat them when they starting dating. Daddy makes sure they know how loved and valued they are.

Brian loves to run and compete in triathlons.  I was so proud of him this last weekend when he competed in the Birmingham Mercedes Marathon and beat his PR by a landslide.  This was his 3rd marathon (Boston 2008 & Miami 2010) and by far his fastest.  I also love to watch how he encourages others to take up the sport.  I can't tell you how many people have started running because of Brian's gentle encouragement.

Brian, I wanted to publicly thank you for being an incredible husband and father.  I didn't want to wait until Father's Day or our anniversary to let you know how I felt.  Today just seemed like the perfect day.  I love you with all of my heart and I want to thank you for being such an amazing example of Jesus to me.  I know at times it's been hard to watch me suffer and know there is really nothing you can do to help me, but pray.  Those prayers mean the world to me.  Thank you for helping around the house and caring for the girls, when I just simply can't.  You are more than I could've ever asked for and I am so thankful God chose me to be your wife.

The Saga Continues-A New Diagnosis

Yesterday I spent 5 hours down at the dr's office.  I saw 2 different doctors.  It was joyous.  I had 2 more hours of testing done, which all came back normal.  The new doctor, who is a PhD at Vanderbilt Hospital doesn't believe I have MdDS, like I was told by the doctor in Tampa, but something called Chronic Subjective Dizziness.
 
I've come to the point where I can care less what it's labeled, I just want it gone.  I'm beyond frustrated.  It's been 7 years, 7 long years and it just keeps getting worse.  I really am at my wits end.  I'm trying to stay positive.  The second doctor yesterday gave me a medicine to start taking.  He said about 80% of patients start to notice a difference and feel better.  I pray with all that I have, I am in that percentage.

I would appreciate your prayers as I start the medication tomorrow.  That I don't experience any side affects and that it will help relieve some of the constant spinning. 

I was playing Scrabble with the girls tonight, before Brian got home from work, and I had all 4 of these tiles.  HEAL.

I have to believe God for my healing.  I know that His desire for me is to be well, whole and happy.  Like everything that has happened to us over the last year and a half, I know He has a plan.  I have to trust in that plan even though I don't know what it is.

I'll leave you with this Jesus Calling Devotional from March 12th.  Is there something you are waiting and hoping for tonight?

Waiting, trusting, and hoping are intricately connected, like golden strands interwoven to form a strong chain. Trusting is the central strand, because it is the response from My children that I desire the most. Waiting and hoping embellish the central strand and strengthen the chain that connects you to Me. Waiting for Me to work, with your eyes on Me, is evidence that you really do trust Me. If you mouth the words “I trust You” while anxiously trying to make things go your way, your words ring hollow. Hoping is future-directed, connecting you to your inheritance in heaven. However, the benefits of hope fall fully on you in the present.

Because you are Mine, you don’t just pass time in your waiting. You can wait expectantly, in hopeful trust. Keep your “antennae” out to pick up even the faintest glimmer of My Presence.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”
John 14:1

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:14

God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek.
Hebrews 6:18-20

Ups and Downs

I'm having one of those days.  I know we all have them, but today just plain stinks.  I really want to throw myself a pity party right here and now, but I'm going to refrain.  Really, what would it help anyway.  It wouldn't do anything but letting the devil get an even bigger foothold into my life than he already has.

In a nutshell, I have a migraine and the dizziness is getting worse.  How can this be?  I finally have a diagnosis and therapy to help it, but it's not. Would you please pray for me?  I'm at the end of my rope.  I called my hubby in tears today at the office.  I hate doing that, but sometimes I just have to and it's better to break down to him, then in front of the girls.

So as sweet and supportive as only my man can be, he blogged about it.  You can read it here.  He doesn't know I am writing this, but if you would love to leave him a comment on his blog, that would be awesome.  He would be thrilled.  I'd love to do a little something for him to say thank you for taking such good care of me.  Thanks y'all. 

Week #4 and Mystery Diagnosis

Before I get to my week 4 weigh in, I wanted to update you all on my dr's appointment in Tampa last week.  I met with Dr. Gans at American Institute of Balance.  He and his staff were fabulous.  I just can't say enough about the clinic.  After reviewing my chart, the symptoms I was having and all of the previous testing I had done, he was pretty sure he knew what was wrong.  Of course he wanted to make sure, so he ran about 5 different tests on me.  He tested my inner ear function and my eye movement.  All tests came back normal, just as he expected.  His diagnosis was MdDS (Mal de Debarquement Syndrome).

Mal de Debarquement Syndrome (MdDS) or disembarkment syndrome is a rare disorder of perceived movement that most often develops following an ocean cruise, other type of water travel, or motion experience including plane flights and train travel. For a few, there is no known motion event; the onset appears to be spontaneous. MdDS persists for months to years.

There are two treatments for this syndrome; therapy and a drug called Klonopin.  My dr and I are choosing to do therapy.  I was sent home with a notebook of 9 exercises to do everyday.  These exercises are done while I am moving, either on a exercise ball or a mini trampoline.  I can tell you that they are not fun.  I pray that it works.  Dr. Gans has seen great results with therapy, so we will see.  I have to report back to him in 4 weeks.  I am just thankful to finally have a diagnosis.

In other news, I am thrilled to report to you about my weight loss for the month of January. 

Weekend Fun

Any guesses on where we went this past weekend?  Here's a hint:

Yep, we surprised the girls with a trip to Disney World.  This was somewhat of a last minute trip for us.  Usually when we go it's planned out way in advance, about a year ahead of time.  I decided to see a specialist in Tampa regarding the constant dizziness I experience.  Since Tampa is about an hour away from Orlando, we decided to make a trip out of it and take the girls to Magic Kingdom.  It was tough keeping it a secret for over a month.  Here's how we told them.



I think I was the most excited not to have to keep a secret any longer. I love the look of shock on their faces. Bless their hearts, it was early and they had just woken up. We had a fantastic time with the girls. Many memories were made and I am feeling so incredibly blessed. Can't wait to share more pictures with you, once I get them downloaded, and tell you about the doctors visit.

Enjoy your weekend!

Hang in there with me

Please hang in there with me.  I just haven't felt like blogging lately.  I hate that because I have so much to say, but I just don't have the emotional energy to do it.  I ran across this devotional today and wanted to share it with you.  It's from Jesus Calling.

I am weak and tired.  I don't think I have ever shared before on my blog about the dizziness I have experienced for the last 6 1/2 years.  It started after I delivered Zoe stillborn in the hospital and it has continued ever since then.  It's something that my family and close friends know about, but even at that, I don't talk about it much, until now.  It has gotten worse since I delivered Jonathan.  It continues to get worse with no relief in sight.

I have been to so many specialists, I can't keep track anymore.  Several MRI's and bloodwork have come up with nothing.  It is always with me and I never have relief from it.  It used to be that it was only bad when I walked, but now as I sit and type this the room is spinning.  I am just so tired of never feeling normal.  So I say all this to once again ask for your prayer.  Prayer for complete healing.  My anxiety level is at a all time high, which I know does not help, but it's so hard not to worry when you don't know what's wrong with you.

Lord Jesus please hear my prayer and the prayers of your people.  My husband needs his wife back and my girls need their mommy whole and healthy.