Home Resting

I am so glad to be home. I've been laying in bed snuggling up with my precious girls. Thank you so much for your prayers. I know I have already said that, but I will keep saying it because I am so thankful to you. Your prayers have sustained me.

I got to the hospital at 11:45 and didn't get back to the surgery unit until 1:15. I will be honest and say I was having a rough time holding it together emotionally. I was completely exhausted. We got to the waiting room and they told me that Brian would need to stay in the waiting room while they prepped me. The nurse took me back and got me behind the curtain and I lost it. I just cried. The nurse was so sweet and said, "Change of plans. Do you want me to go get your husband?" "Oh please yes", I said. I was so thankful Brian could be right by my side.

I read the chapter for the day in "Jesus Calling" which was awesome. If you don't have this devotional you should get it. It's amazing and has brought me such comfort since we lost Jonathan. Dr. T gave us his copy when we were leaving the hospital the day after I delivered. For 2 weeks straight every single day we read it, I was blown away by the message it brought us. It was like it was written for us. Today's was no exception.

Then Brian read Psalm 18 to me, all 50 verses of it. It's too long to post, but here are some of my favorite verses.

1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.

2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.

4 The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

5 The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

6 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

The surgery went well. Brian told me it took a tad bit longer than he expected. He was starting to get nervous that Dr. T hadn't come out yet. Finally he did and told Brian that he was able to get the mass out. He told him it looked like there might have been a bit of left over placenta in there surrounded by a clot. He will send it to pathology so we can hopefully get a better clue as to what it was for sure and what caused it. Dr. T told Brian that in some women this is a one time thing and in other women it's an ongoing problem. I'm believing God that this was a one time thing and that I won't have to deal with this again. I go back in a week to follow up and talk to him more about what he found since I was out of it to talk to him myself.

I woke up around 3:30 in recovery and to be honest felt horrible. It was awful. Anesthesia and I are not good friends and I pray I never have to see him again. I'm really tired and a dealing with a little nausea, but so happy to be home. I am so thankful that the Lord answered my prayers and the prayers of His people for a safe surgery. I pray that I can get some rest and finally be able to recover and feel better.

I'm going to try to eat something for the first time today and go back to bed and get some rest. Thank you again for your prayers. Have a wonderful night. I know I plan too.

Surgery Update

First of all, I am overwhelmed and humbled by your kind words and prayers. I have read all of your comments and I can't thank you enough for going to the Father on my behalf. Thank you, Thank you.

Surgery will be scheduled for 2:30 (CST) today. I do have a bit of an update and some good news. My doctor called last night to tell me that my HCG levels came back at 4. Through all the years of infertility and loss, I never thought I would be so happy to hear that my HCG level was so low. For once 50,000 was not the number I desired. That would have meant a molar pregnancy a.k.a. Trophoblastic disease which is not something I, nor my doctor, wanted to have happen. I could tell by Dr. T's voice he was thrilled. Thank you Lord for answering that prayer.

There is however, still a huge mass in my uterus. What it is they don't know, but it has to come out. So Brian and I will head to the hospital this afternoon while the girls are in school. My prayer is that there will be minimal bleeding during the procedure, that they will get all of it, and that my recovery will be easy. It's been a long 5 weeks of feeling horrible and that's just physically. I want to start healing emotionally from the pain of losing my sweet son.

I want to share with you some scriptures that were prayed over me last night that brought me such peace. There may be someone reading this who is going through the same thing right now and you need physical healing. I pray these scriptures will speak to your heart and bring you peace.

Psalm 103:1-5
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 46:2-5
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.

5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.